Yearly Archives: 2015

The Nathan’s Hot Dog Eating Championship Introductions

George Shea:

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bunettes and the Bun City Dancers. Bun Boy Nation.

Are you ready?

Are you ready?

Ladies and gentlemen, in his rookie year he is already ranked no. 24 in the world. From Nigeria, now residing in Morill, Georgia, he’s eaten 34 ears of sweet corn. Six feet, nine inches tall, let’s hear it for Gideon Oji!

From Dixon, CA, 6 feet 2 inches tall, ranked no. 14 in the world, he has eaten 10 pounds of boysenberry pie. He won the Lincoln, Nebraska qualifier. Let’s hear it for Steve Hendry!

He struggles to understand the nuances of our culture. The difference, for example, between a butt dial and a booty call. But he understands everything there is to know about competitive eating, and he’s widely acknowledged as a tamale-eating specialist: 50 and one half tamales in 12 minutes! From Wichita Falls, TX, the great “Nasty” Nate Miller!

Ranked no. 12 in the world, from Cleveland, Ohio, 5 feet tall, 200 pounds, he’s eaten 31 Nathan’s Famous Hot Dogs and buns in 10 minutes, Jeff “The Beast Man” Butler.

He was gifted at birth with a flawless memory. In fact, he can remember exactly what he was thinking at this precise moment 20 years ago to the day, from today, 20 years from now… which is right now, it’s today, it’s this second obviously, so he knows what he’s thinking. He’s thinking, “why am I hear listening to this guy? I could be in the Hamptons.” Ladies and gentlemen, from Visalia, CA, Pablo Martinez!

He is the lumberjack breakfast and French string bean-eating champion of the world. He was buried alive under 60 cubic feet of popcorn, and he ate his way out to survival, which is why he’s ranked no. 19 in the world by Major League Eating. The David Blaine of the bowel, the Evel Knievel of the alimentary canal, the Houdini of the Cuisini: Crazy Legs Conti!

He is a teacher from oxford, MA. He ate 30 and one half hot dogs and buns in his first contest ever, let me hear it for Geoffrey Esper!

From Chicago, IL, 23 slumburgers, 24 hot dogs and buns, 6 pierogis and 180 guillota, ranked no. 10 in the world, let me hear it for Juan Rodriguez!

He is entirely committed to competitive eating! He will do whatever it takes to win. Three days ago he broke up with girlfriend and euthanized his dog to leave a void of emptiness inside him that he could fill today with hot dogs and buns, ladies and gentlemen. The cannoli-eating champion of the world, with 32 cannolis in  6 minutes. A marathon runner from New York City, let’s hear it for Yasir Salem!

He has eaten 30 moon pies, he can use the world “dude” as a noun, pronoun, verb, adverb, adjective, and exclamation, dude. He is the beer pong champion of Phoenix, AZ. In fact, he is the king of all bros, the scion of the House of Bro. Ladies and gentlemen, son of D-Train, son of Steve Dawg, son of the Shermanator, son of Fitzmeister, son of J-bone himself: The great Brian “Dud Light” Dudzinski!

He is the spot shrimp and rye bread and sweet corn eating champion of the world, and yet he is most proud of his Scandinavian heritage, which he celebrates by shopping at Ikea, driving a Volvo, and cooking on a Viking Range. The no. 6 ranked eater in the world, who has consumed 34 hot dogs and buns, let me hear it for the great Erik “the Red” Denmark!

Ladies and gentlemen, the Matzah ball and green bean and donut-eating champion of the world. Are you ready?

He is the pop gurgitator extraordinaire
The one who weaves to the beat with the
no thought or care
Fridge empty, cupboards bare
The one that rips snacks out of school backpacks
Looking over your shoulder like Michael Jackson
He’ll be there, eating like pac-man
Digging into your candy dish, yo it’s a wrap song
Yo who be there? Badlands baby
No ifs ands or maybes, devour like crazy
He’s like the dog in the Looney Tunes baby
He gets the steak, he’s like what, no gravy?
Superhero with a fork and spoon
Trading like X-men in the danger room
He’s like a pirate, always procuring food, quicker than you, masticating like ….

Ladies and gentlemen, Badlands Booker!

Six feet, one inches tall, 200 pounds, 32 years of age. He is ranked no. 7 in the world. He is the crawfish eating champion of the world! He ate 36 dunked oysters down at Acme Oyster House! Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for the man who can eat 33 hot dogs and buns, Adrian Morgan!

He was born outside of time, a witness to all possible realities. He was there when the sea and the sky were mixed together as one, and humans floated from the depths of the Pacific to the very edge of space, where they looked out at the stars in the blackness. He was there when druids walked the earth, and he watched as mankind built great cities, developed technology, and invented complex language with combination words such as “bromance,” “labradoodle,” “manscaping,” “frenemy” and “fratacular.” One man has witnessed it all, and of all times and all realities, this is his favorite here in Coney Island. Let’s hear it for the man of mystery, EATER X!

The no. 23 eater in the world, right behind his arch-rival Joey Chestnut, a man he has beaten many times. The bacon and birthday cake and frozen yogurt and gyro and twinkie and slumburger and pumpkin pie-eating champion of the world. Fifty-six hot dogs and buns in ten minutes! Many believe he is the future of the sport: Matthew Stonie!

(Baba O’Riley plays)

You know what this means. In a world of nothing—of barren hills and cracked earth and once proud oceans drained to sand—there will still be a monument to our existence. Bleached by the sun, perhaps, and blunted by time, but everlasting. Because this man represents all that is eternal in the human experience. The courage to stand for a nation when all others fail or turn away; the strength to recognize the value of freedom and to accept its cost, no matter how great. Through the curtain of the aurora, a comet blazes to herald his arrival, and his victory shall be transcribed into every language known to history, including Klingon! The bratwurst and pierogi and Hooters chicken wing eating champion of the world! Eight-time Nathan’s Famous Hot Dog eating champion of the world. The no. 1 eater in the world! I give you America itself! Joey Chestnut!

Let’s get the Bunettes up here…

(commercial)

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Friends of Tiger, Episode 19: Scott Michaux of the Augusta Chronicle

We’re back where we belong in our Durham, NC studio, and today we’re welcoming Scott Michaux of the Augusta Chronicle as our featured guest. Scott and I talk about the complicated figure of Bubba Watson, this week’s Travelers Championship Winner, and beyond Bubba, we hit on everyone from Paul Casey (we like him!) to Phil (he seems to like gambling!) to Jordan Spieth (how dare he not spend the next month at St. Andrews!). It’s a fun return to form with a first-time guest, so check it out!

For more stories from the PGA Tour, order my book, Slaying the Tiger, here.

We’re on iTunes now, mister. Subscribe to ‘Friends of Tiger’ here.

Download the mp3 of this episode here.

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Episode 18: U.S. Open Wrap-Up

Jordan wins! Dustin loses…and we’ve got one more short ep before we fly back home. Check us out!

For more stories from the PGA Tour, order my book, Slaying the Tiger, here.

 

We’re on iTunes now, pard. Subscribe to ‘Friends of Tiger’ here.

Download the mp3 of this episode here.

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Friends of Tiger, Episode 17: The Groupageddon

It’s night three of the U.S. Open extravaganza, and we’re back with the core crew of Jon McCarthy, Teddy Greenstein, Stephanie Wei, Michael Witmer, and ME. We’re one day away from finally getting some golf, and we’re talking course setup, USGA devilry, and the players we love. We also do a lightning round fantasy draft, and things get HEATED. And as always, we take unnecessary shots at Stephanie. The week rolls on, and we continue to gain in strength. The Groupageddon is upon us!

For more stories from the PGA Tour, order my book, Slaying the Tiger, here.

 

We’re on iTunes now, hotshot. Subscribe to ‘Friends of Tiger’ here.

Download the mp3 of this episode here.

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Friends of Tiger Episode 16: The U.S. Open Groupstravaganza No. 2

We have the whole gang from last night, plus Mr. Michael Witmer of the Boston Globe, and we’re chock full of new information gleaned from a Tuesday spent at the U.S. Open. It’s a solid half hour of near-madness, and the information will blow you sky-high. Enjoy!

For more stories from the PGA Tour, order my book, Slaying the Tiger, here.

We’re on iTunes now, hotshot. Subscribe to ‘Friends of Tiger’ here.

Download the mp3 of this episode here.

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Friends of Tiger, Episode 15: The Groupening

We’re setting a new world record with podcast guests today at a whopping FIVE. Teddy Greenstein (Chicago Tribune), Ryan Ballengee (GolfNewsNet), Jon McCarthy (Toronto Sun), Stephanie Wei (WeiUnderPar), and I are jamming with the first of a bunch of U.S. Open podcasts from Chambers Bay this week. All I can say is that it gets chaotic, and fast. Possibly too chaotic. Like the U.S. Open, it’s nice to have once in a while, but you wouldn’t want it every week. In the midst of the insanity, we do discuss the U.S. Open, and there are some actual intelligent takes. Enjoy, my friends!

For more stories from the PGA Tour, order my book, Slaying the Tiger, here.

We’re on iTunes now, mannnnnn. Subscribe to ‘Friends of Tiger’ here.

Download the mp3 of this episode here.

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The Golf Channel Videos

Here they are in one place, from my appearance Thursday morning, June 11, on Morning Drive.

General discussion of Slaying the Tiger:

Thoughts on Jordan Spieth, Rickie Fowler, Rory McIlroy:

Thoughts on Bubba Watson, and the personality of other pros:

Gary Williams, Damon Hack, and Paige McKenzie debate the merits of the books:

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The Slaying the Tiger Media Spectacular! Excerpts, Interviews, Reviews, More

Slaying the Tiger is out! I’ll be keeping a compilation of links on this space—interviews, excerpts, reviews, etc. Order the book here.

Excerpts

From the Matt Every chapter, on Golf.com

From the Augusta National chapter, on Deadspin

13 Revelations on Golf Digest

Business Insider, on Tiger

Interviews

The Golf Channel: Watch all four clips here

No Laying Up (podcast)

FTW USA Today (podcast)

At GolfWRX (written)

Golf Unfiltered with Adam Fonseca (podcast)

TheGolfClub with Danielle Tucker (radio)

The Will Leitch Experience (podcast)

At The Sand Trap (written)

Doug Gottlieb Show (radio)

Devil Ball Golf with Jay Busbee at Yahoo (podcast)

ESPN Triangle with Adam and Joe (radio)

GolfNewsNet (podcast)

Cooper and Rupert (podcast)

David Glenn Show (radio, Raleigh)

Reddit AMA

Sports Radio Knoxville (radio)

750 the Game (radio, Portland)

1040 Vancouver (radio)

Inside Sports with Reid Wilkins (Edmonton):

Reviews

Examiner.com

CBS Sports

Christian Science Monitor

GolfNewsNet

WeiUnderPar

USA Today

Golf Unfiltered


Fayetteville Observer

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Friends of Tiger Episode 14: Sam Weinman of Golf Digest

It’s the Sam Weinman episode! Sam just wrote an excellent piece on Golf Digest about his struggles as a mediocre golfer, and his long obsession with swing thoughts. It makes for the perfect topic, because I, too, have fallen into the golf rabbit hole, and this hour is more than a little like therapy. We also look ahead to the Memorial and U.S. Open as summer begins and major season heats up. Check it out!

For more stories from the PGA Tour, pre-order my book, Slaying the Tiger, here.

We’re on iTunes now, compadre. Subscribe to ‘Friends of Tiger’ here.

Download the mp3 of this episode here.

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Friends of Tiger, Episode 13: Luke Kerr-Dineen of USA Today!

We’re back off our short hiatus, and welcoming Luke Kerr-Dineen into the Tiger’s Den. There’s plenty to discuss, including Steven Bowditch’s win at the Byron Nelson and his story of recovering from severe depression. We go from there to talking about the pressures of being a pro golfer, and the outlets they choose, from the good to the bad. Have we done a bad job of turning players into single-issue people, from Bowditch to Compton to Rory to Rickie? Next, we touch on Luke’s recent article about adderall use on Tour, and spend a moment or two on college golf. It’s a conversation for the ages, and you can only hear it here, folks!

For more stories from the PGA Tour, pre-order my book, Slaying the Tiger, here.

We’re on iTunes now, feller. Subscribe to ‘Friends of Tiger’ here.

Download the mp3 of this episode here.

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