The Duke Foreign Adventure: A Primer

Just in time for tomorrow’s first televised game, the good folks at Grantland are running my primer on the ‘Friendship Games.’

   

YOU CAN READ IT BY CLICKING THESE WORDS

When you’re finished, come back here and click “continue reading” for some bonus content below.

What are the Top 5 Moments from the Fuqua Business School’s Dubai Press Release?

Glad you asked.

5. The headline: Legendary Duke University Blue Devils to Play the UAE National Basketball Team in UAE

I like how this is blatantly designed for a foreign audience. IN AMERICA, THE MEN TELL LEGENDS OF THIS WONDERFUL TEAM! J.J. REDICK FOUGHT A FREIGHT TRAIN TO A DRAW!

4. “The Duke University men’s basketball team, popularly known as the Blue Devils…”

“…because it’s their team nickname.”

3. “We are excited about the opportunity to visit the UAE and experience the rich mix of culture and landmarks for which the country is known,” said Mike Krzyzewski, the Duke University Men’s Basketball Team Coach, popularly known as Coach K.

“I am speaking extemporaneously! I wish everybody to know that these statements have not been prepared in advance! I just have a really, really high opinion of the United Arab Emirates! All those landmarks!

I mean, sometimes I’m like, gosh, maybe they have too many landmarks. But then I correct myself and remember that such a thing would be impossible.”

Also, I love the repetition of the “popularly known as” trope. “The Fuqua Business School, popularly known as the Duke program that only admits people you would hate…”

2. “The success of our men’s basketball team is a highly visible symbol of Duke’s commitment to excellence every day.” -President Richard Brodhead

“Unfortunately, the only other visible symbols of Duke are an infamous rape case, a viral Powerpoint sex list made by a female student, a horribly sexist e-mail sent by one of our many fraternities, and that time we found a 14-year-old passed out in a port-a-potty at tailgate. So we’re leaning pretty heavily on the basketball team.”

1. “We are thrilled to be hosting one of the most successful basketball teams in the world along with the legendary Coach K.” -Dr. Ahmed Al Sharif, Secretary General of the Dubai Sports Council.

“Hey, what the hell? I never said ‘legendary!’ Why do they keep adding that to all my quotes?!” -also Sharif

Go Duke.