Mason “I really miss Kyrie Irving” Plumlee

Mason Plumlee

I just dunked and now I'm going to give up a bad foul trying to block a shot on defense!!!

Look at those biceps.  They make me salivate with jealously and maybe a bit of romanticism. This, my friends, is Mr. Mason Plumlee.  A six foot, ten inch, 235 pound monster of an athlete. When he committed to Duke I was extremely excited.  He was oft compared to Josh McRoberts.  Fast, athletic, with a handle and impressive passing abilities.  Thus far Mason has shown flashes of potential, but has yet to live up to that billing.

The title of this post referred to brief time last year when Kyrie Irving turned Mason Plumlee into an alley-oop machine.  However, when Kyrie’s toe spontaneously combusted, Mason Plumlees impeccable season began to take a nose dive.  He no longer benefited from brilliant passes and found himself devoid of any significant touches on offense. It was frustrating to see this decline, but there were a few bright spots.  His defense has improved since his arrival at Duke and his offense, while still jerky and erratic, has gotten better.  He has shown improvement with his posts moves but he often cannot find the basket. I hope the addition of Jeff Capel to the coaching staff will turn Mason Plumlee into the whiter, taller and goofier version of Blake Griffin.  According to insider sources (myself) Mason Plumlees transformation will resemble the difference between Clark Kent and Superman.

During the international exhibition tour we routinely saw Austin Rivers break down defenders with ease and make his way into the lane.  Most of the time he decided to jack up a difficult shot in the faces of help defenders and he would miss out on opportunities to pass out to the perimeter or to the wide open big guy under the basket.  I’m a basketball genius, so Coach K might not have figured this out yet, but once they get Austin Rivers to pass the ball to wide open guys instead of shooting terrible shots then everyone will benefit!  One of those benefactors will indubitably be Mr. Mason Plumlee.  There is a slight 65% chance that Mason will receive a pass, realize he’s wide open, freak out and brick a fadeaway jumper, but the other 35% of the time he will bring the ball to the rim and hammer it down with a Thor-like fury.

It’s that 35% that sends shivers down our spines as we see a Norse warrior terrorizing the basketball battlefield (does anyone else get pissed off when sports contests are compared to war?  I’m fuming at myself for the above sentence.  It trivializes war and I really didn’t want to, but Mason’s dunks are Thor-like.  Plus Thor never existed so I’m trivializing fiction!). What can we expect from Mason this year?  Lets compare it to his past seasons and also Miles past seasons.  We can derive a “Plumlee Table,” using multivariate statistical analysis:

As you can see, with Mason, we find ourselves at the pillow eating dog stage.  We’re not even mad at the dog.  We hated that stupid pillow.  What is the point of a pillow that you don’t use?!  For our girlfriends sake we have to be pretend to be mad at the dog.  We scold the dog without enthusiasm because secretly, we’re proud of that dog for destroying that pillow. Mason Plumlee has potential oozing out of him.  He has the tools, he just needs to put it all together.

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20 Responses to Mason “I really miss Kyrie Irving” Plumlee

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