Tag Archives: football

The Optipessimist Week One: UNC-JMU

First off, I would like to highlight for all the UNC readers out there that Duke lost to Richmond. I will repeat that, since it makes me slightly giddy every time I do. Duke lost to Richmond! HAH! This is amazing not only because Duke lost to RICHMOND, but also because it means I get to read Angry Shane posts, something I have yet to see on TRB.

I'm expecting greatness, Shane.

Okay. Onto the game. Everything said below this line has to be taken with a grain of salt, because Carolina’s opponent was James Madison University. And this wasn’t the same JMU that knocked off Virginia Tech in their opener; this was a pretty bad iteration of JMU. You’ll see why.

Without further ado, I’d like to debut my post-game feature: Optipessimism. Over the next ten weeks, I’m going to try my hardest to make this into a real word, which I define as the tendency to follow any positive statement with an immediate qualifier. According to my mother, I might be the most effective optipessimist in the world. “CAN’T YOU EVER JUST SAY ANYTHING GOOD!?” Brutal.

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The Duke Football Essay Project: Game 1, Richmond

On Duke’s second play from scrimmage, junior quarterback Sean Renfree took one step back, tripped, and hit the ground. Whistles blew, fans murmured. Too early to be disappointed.

I sent my stepfather, back in New York, a text:

Our qb fell over. Second play. Bad omen?

It turned out he’d been watching on his computer. Within a minute, I had a response:

I thought he looked good falling.

*

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The Triangle Prophets, Week One

Every Friday, a group of fearless webmasters and sports fanatics from around the Triangle will gather to predict five college football games against the spread. Every Duke, Carolina, and N.C. State game will be featured, along with a smattering of high profile non-Triangle games. As the season goes along, we’ll keep the standings updated and see who emerges as the one true prophet. Make your predictions in the comment section. Every week, we’ll feature any and all commenters who pick all 5 games correctly.

The Prophets

1. Jim Young, Editor, ACCSports.com

2. John Watson, The Devil’s Den

3. James Henderson, Publisher, Pack Pride

4. Tar Heel Fan Blog

5. Me*

6. The Devil Wolf, Duke football correspondent, TRB

7. Nate Friedman, UNC football correspondent, TRB

8. William Earnhardt, Site Designer, UNC football junkie, TRB

*Believe me, that joke was not worth the google image search. I should know better.

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The Top 15 Moments from the UNC Foootball Media Guide

You can view the guide here. As with the Duke version of the top 15, I’ll be doing this as I go along, so there’s a good chance that #1 won’t be any more compelling than #15. Let’s get it started with a picture of UNC’s new coach, “Sir” Everett Withers.

I was born in 1963 in Charlotte, NC, but my name was born in 1732 in Yorkshire, England

15. Oops!

From the 2011 schedule page:

Oct. 22 – at Clemson – first game at Clemson under head coach Butch Davis

(PR people scuffle around) Ha! Um, funny story… (muffled shouting, sounds of paper crumpling) I’m glad you asked! Just, uh, just give us a minute here… (gunshot)

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Top 15 Moments from the Duke Football Media Guide

You can view the guide here. Also, I’m sort of doing this as I go through it, so there’s a good chance that #1 won’t be any more compelling than #15. If it is, though, it’s because I planned it all along. Now then, as I imagine Cutcliffe says in the most badass way possible: let’s roll.

Cutcliffe means 'motivation' in some foreign tongue

15. Pronunciation

From the Player Pronunciation Guide:

Patrick KURUNWUNE – cuh-ROON-WOO-nay

Is it me, or does this not help at all? How the hell are you supposed to emphasize two consecutive syllables? Whenever I try it, I sound like a barking dog. Seriously, give it a shot. ROON-WOO! He’s the 5th-string running back, by the way. God, I hope we get some ROON-WOO action this year.

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Happy College Football Kickoff!

Coming later this morning and this afternoon, we’ll be looking at the top 15 moments in the 2011 version of the Duke and UNC football media guides.

For now, check out the season previews: Duke and UNC. This is truly one of the best days of the year. Plus, good riddance to August! Even when we feel like the summer won’t end, we must always keep in mind the persistence of football.

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Duke Football Preview: Talking Myself Into a National Title

Coach David Cutcliffe, one of the great personalities in college football, is now entering his fourth year at the helm. In his first year, he won four games, tying the school’s best record since 1994. In 2009, he came within a Wake Forest win of leading Duke to its first bowl game since 1995.* Last year, Duke had a slight dip to 3-9, but four of those losses were by six points or less.

*A loss in the Hall of Fame Bowl to Wisconsin. The last time Duke won a bowl game was in 1961, a 7-6 win over Arkansas in the Cotton Bowl.

This year, I think Cutty is ready to finally get over the hump. And I don’t just mean the Bowl Game hump. I think he’s ready to win a national title.

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Shapiro vs. Serpico: The Rat in the Adage, Part Two

(Read part one here.)

“People who say I should go to hell, well, I’m here.”– Nevin Shapiro.

For a notorious rat, Frank Serpico never had much of a loyalty problem.

Long before Rudy Giuliani found his city so starved for perpetrators he had to start cracking down on jaywalkers, in that same Drop Dead decade when Jimmy Burke and his crew (the real-life GoodFellas) ripped off JFK, crime in the New York of the 1970s was at an ignominious apex- both outside and inside the law. A well-oiled arrangement permitted lower level cops to shake down drug dealers and numbers operators for a regular contribution while the brass looked the other way.  Not everybody was on the take, but pretty much everybody who wasn’t taking money kept quiet about those who did.  Continue reading

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Blatant Homerism: UNC Football Might Actually Be…Good?

I was talking today with a fellow UNC alum about the upcoming season, and it got me thinking about how we as a fan base are feeling about the snafu that’s been this past year. Specifically, my friend mentioned how he was having trouble getting himself amped up for the start of what, on the surface, appears to be a lame-duck season for us Tar Heels. Let’s face it – this is not a good time to be a Carolina fan, as I wrote in my Firing Butch Davis piece. Once the novelty of football being back wore off (preseason NFL shitfest managed that pretty fast), my thoughts returned to Carolina as I thought, “This must be a tiny bit what it feels like to be a State fan.”

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Shapiro vs. Serpico: The Rat in the Adage

Welcome to football week on Tobacco Road Blues. New contributor Andrew Westney kicks us off…

“You took your first pinch like a man, and you learned the two greatest things in life…      Never rat on your friends, and always keep your mouth shut.” – GoodFellas

Jimmy Conway’s credo is a little Yogi Berra-esque, in that it makes perfect sense if you don’t try to make too much sense out of it.  The point is this, ya mook: don’t tell the cops anything, especially about your amici.  As that picture amply illustrated, though, you don’t always know who your friends are, or worse, sometimes the guys you thought were your friends will run out at the first sign of trouble.  But even then, a lot of people would rather go down with the ship than ever turn rat.

Good thing for journalists and dramatists, then, that a few individuals, with their heads screwed on a special way, choose to violate this code.  Because the best corruption tales beg for a rat: sure, intrepid reporters can break a scandal based on dogged review of documents and endless interviews with peripheral parties, but nothing drags the tarp off the cesspool like an insider naming names, taking no prisoners amongst those who until yesterday were his pals.

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