The Plumblebees

(Editor’s note: When I asked Marc if he wanted to write for the site, since I know him to be a funny and interesting dude, he asked me if someone had taken “the Plumlee beat.” I told him it was all his.) Hello friends! My name is Marc. My first sports memory is watching Christian Laettner crush the hopes and dreams of every Kentucky fan on that wonderful day back in 1992. I jumped around the living room like a maniac and gushed with glee as my dad replayed the shot over and over again because we taped the game on our high tech Hitachi VCR. Since that day Duke Basketball has been the only sport I’ve truly followed. The Carolina Hurricanes have a fun bandwagon to hop on if they are in the playoffs, but does anyone outside of Raleigh really care about the regular season? The Panthers have been an unmitigated disaster for the past few years and this year looks to promise some new lows! Shane’s article on the Duke-Richmond game brought up wonderful memories of the John Fox Run-Run-Pass-Punt offense. This year I’m expecting a variety based upon Run-Sack-Interception playcalling. I’ve lived in North Carolina for twenty-three years and I haven’t been able to really focus on anything but the Blue Devils. All of us sports fans have love-hate relationships with the players and coaches of our teams. Too often I’ve found myself screaming in joy or anger at the television as Duke players stagnantly stand around the perimeter shooting three-pointer after three-pointer. “Why can’t they just throw it into the post?!” I vehemently exclaim after another wasted possession. These past few years have been absolutely brutal to fans like me. Then one day there was hope. The Plumlees. First Mason committed. He was highly ranked out of high school and brought wonderful adjectives such as ‘athletic,’ ‘fast’ and ‘high-leaper.’ When I think of white power forwards/centers I think of Brian Cardinal, Brian Scalabrine or Brian Zoubek. Note to any parents who want their kids to have a vertical leap exceeding 5.5 inches, don’t name your child Brian. Miles, although older than Mason, committed to the Blue Devils next after Trent Johnson departed Stanford for LSU. Miles was not as highly ranked as Mason but touted the same adjectives. Lastly we have Marshall, the youngest, tallest and according to Shane, the funniest Plumlee. I anticipated the Plumlees would bring offensive firepower. In my dreams they grabbed every rebound and dunked over everything in their way. Reality only slightly resembles my dreams. They grab their fair share of rebounds, but they also lose a ton of rebounds to opposing guards because the Plumlees evidently cannot look down, thus do not see people shorter than 6’10”. This may also explain their lack of romantic success. The Plumlees love to dunk, but sadly their dunking abilities resemble their rebounding prowess. Sometimes they crush opponents’ hearts and minds with thunderous dunks, but other times they just miss the hole. Even though the Plumlees have not (yet) fulfilled my dreams of huge running, jumping and dunking monsters. They seem like intelligent, fun and laid-back dudes. This is something us sports fans tend to forget. We are cheering for college students. They are young. Sure they want to excel at basketball, but they also want to live the life of a college kid. Regardless of their basketball skills I will always be fans of the Plumlees. I’m excited to watch their continued development and hopefully we’ll see the day when all three are on the court and they triple-dunk a basketball. If that ever happens I’m sure Armageddon will begin, but what a fucking way to go out.

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7 Responses to The Plumblebees

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  1. Nate says:

    I am going to love this. And when basketball season starts, they’re going to be my favorite whipping boys as well, except from the Carolina side…

    1. Shane says:

      There’s really just nothing that can go wrong here, from any perspective. Marc struck gold.

  2. _bam says:

    Wow, your introductory paragraph about your first sports memory mirrors my experience almost exactly – the only detail missing is an apathetic mother confused and annoyed to be awoken by celebratory ruckus. I also remember learning a lot of exciting new cusses that night.

    I love the Plumlees. Though I suffer frequent lapses, for the most part I’ve finally evolved past being constantly frustrated and angry with them and adopted a more heart-healthy Well-That’s-The-Plumlees-What-Can-You-Do approach. In a calmer light, they’re just goofy and hilarious, so I’m looking forward to this feature. Serenity now.

  3. Tbone says:

    Marc: I’m just wondering if Jeff Capel was brought in to help with the Plumlee saga, that will be with us for a few years, unless, of course, they leave the Dukedom early for the NBA. Oh sorry, I was thinking of Kyrie.

  4. Marc says:

    Nate don’t get too sad when the Plumlees dunk all over Henson. Imagine how difficult it was to type out such a boldfaced lie.

    _bam I’m pretty sure we are some of the fortunate few to share that specific sports memory. I think the best response to Plumbledom is a laid-back demeanor where we cheer the best of times and shake our heads and chuckle at the worst of times.

    Tbone hopefully Capel will do some work. We saw some brief flashes of offensive ability during the international trip and I’ll touch more on it next week.

  5. daniel says:

    i’m so glad someone is reporting on this ever-important issue. did you know their father is named perky? yea, perky plumlee. i’m not sure what else to add.

  6. ABronzedGoddess says:

    So Marc shall is the official Plumbledore ’round here? Excellent, but all Plumlee posts really should have a copy of Marshall’s epic self-portrait whilst dunking done in crayon. Inclusion will only enhance the innate Plumbleness of all possible subject matter.

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