This is the worst time of year to be a college basketball fan. Let me explain. In the springtime after March Madness we all sit around and evaluate the “what ifs?” and “should haves.” As we move into summer we accept that college basketball is still far away. We decide whether we want to watch golf, baseball or stab our own eyeballs with forks. From personal experience I can declare that the fork stabbing is far more entertaining than baseball or golf. We’re frustrated there isn’t college basketball, but we’ve come to accept it.
However, as we venture forth into fall we feel that college basketball is right around the corner. We can almost taste it. We want to see Sportscenter highlights of Duke or UNC crushing a team by forty. We want to see Virginia Tech squeak by cupcakes and laugh as they don’t get picked for the NCAA tournament yet again. We want to see Wake Forest actually lose to the Polytechnical School for the Deaf and Blind. But we can’t always get what we want.
We have to watch the Atlanta Braves and Boston Red Sox historically collapse. We have to watch as Cam Newton gives Carolina Panther fans a good dose of Optipessimism. We have to watch as NBA owners whine they aren’t making any money. I was extremely excited for the NBA this year for two reasons: 1) last year was fucking incredible and 2) three Duke players got drafted. I wanted to see Irving, Smith and Singler play again, but it was not to be.
So what do we do now college basketball fans? How do we endure the next grueling month? Some people create lists, such as “What is the best college basketball stadium in America?” or “What schools have the hottest cheerleaders?” The answers are Cameron Indoor Stadium and the Girls Polytechnical School for the Deaf and Blind. One person in particular likes to draw things with crayons rather than play basketball. Others like to dunk over their brothers:
Sorry for the lack of Plumleeness this week. They’ll return for a poetry session next week.