Author Archives: AaronEarls

Mighty Morphin Southeastern Conference

Posted on January 24, 2013 by AaronEarls
5 Comments

The SEC has become the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

Every kid from the 90’s remembers the Power Rangers – the average (and oh so perfectly diverse) group of high schoolers who were given super powers to protect the world from alien monsters.

Either you were still young enough to openly enjoy the weird Godzilla-esqe fight scenes or you sneakily watched them because you thought the Pink Ranger was cute.

Wether you admit it or not, you watched the Power Rangers.

As you well remember, in every episode the Rangers would be getting beat down by the random monster of the week. The monster would grow to giant size. The Power Rangers would call out their Voltron rip-off “zords” that would join together to become the Megazord and win the battle.

This is now the SEC. Continue reading →

Posted in Miscellaneous | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Top 10 Reasons the US Women’s Gymnastics Team is not the Fab Five

Posted on August 2, 2012 by AaronEarls
1 Comment

It was inevitable. The last Olympic gold medal winning American women’s gymnastics team had their own nickname – The Magnificent Seven, from the 1996 Olympics in Atlanta.

As the media struggled to give the 2012 team a moniker, Sports Illustrated made the team of five their cover girls, leading many to dub them the Fab Five.

College basketball fans are well aware that there is another Fab Five, the highly touted freshman of the University of Michigan that took the basketball world by storm in the early 90’s.

The odd thing is that, outside of the number of stars on the team, the US women’s gymnastics team has almost nothing in common with the Wolverines’ heralded team of freshman starters. Here are the top ten reasons the US Women’s Gymnastics Team is not the Fab Five. Continue reading →

Posted in Miscellaneous | Tagged , | 1 Comment

Hate the Heat, but boo Battier?

Posted on June 22, 2012 by AaronEarls
1 Comment

The NBA Finals have made me want a professional sport to be like professional wrestling. Not only would I like to see Russell Westbrook fly off the top rope with a drop kick to Lebron James, I really want to see Shane Battier turn face.

In the world of professional wrestling, like the WWE, good guys are faces and bad guys are heels. The Miami Heat are the quintessential heel team. They are the nWo from the 1990’s glory days of WCW, complete with James playing the ultimate turncoat villain, Hollywood Hulk Hogan.

The Oklahoma City Thunder play the face role perfectly (for everyone except half-interested Miami fans, disgruntled Seattle Sonic fans and Shane here at Tobacco Road Blues). OKC is led by the young, hungry and humble Kevin Durant, the high-flying, risk-taking Westbrook, and the lovable bearded guy James Harden.

Continue reading →

Posted in Duke, Miscellaneous | Tagged , , | 1 Comment

I want to punch and pray for Tyler Zeller

Posted on March 30, 2012 by AaronEarls
4 Comments

Maybe that headline is a bit too extreme. I don’t always want to pray for Tyler Zeller.

For almost four years, I was blissfully unaware. As a Duke fan, I would see Zeller on the court in that powder blue and I could hate his annoyingly efficient game. Nothing contained my undignified rage at every invisible foul he drew, as visions of Tyler Hansbrough flopped in my head. I could mock mercilessly when he acted like he was shot by a sniper running down the court in the first Duke game this year (again in slow motion!). All the joy I took from casting Zeller in the revolving role of Tar Heel villain was ripped away from me with one tweet.

Oh, the dangers of Twitter. Politicians find out when they accidentally send inappropriate public tweets that were meant to be inappropriate private tweets. I found out when I saw J.D. Greear, a prominent Triangle area pastor, tweeted out a congratulation to Zeller on being named ACC Player of the Year. He called the UNC senior “a man of great character” and said he was faithful to their church.

Continue reading →

Posted in Miscellaneous | 4 Comments